How If Your Friend Have An Affair

I need help on how to handle a situation my friend is in. She has been seeing this guy who is already married and has kids with his wife. I have tried to warn her from the beginning but she didn’t listen to any of my advice. Now the affair she is in is getting deeper and deeper – I can tell she is falling in love with him. What should I do as her friend? Should I tell her I won’t be her friend anymore if she keeps on doing this or should I just let her be? I’m confused!” – HelplessFriend

Dear HelplessFriend,

First of all, seeing a friend in a sticky situation is never easy to deal with. And in your case, the situation is even more of a messy one as it involves other people besides your friend. Regarding your confusion about whether or not you should threaten to end the friendship unless she ends the affair, the best thing to do is to avoid doing that. Because at the end of the day, your friendship must remain untouched because what your friend is doing affects her personally and it should not affect you. If you were to cut off your friendship with her for something that your friend has done to herself then it would not do any good. It seems that the only thing that would do is cause more pain where it isn’t necessary.

Furthermore, when it comes to simply letting your friend be, this should only be done after you have given her a reality check. As a friend, your only responsibility is to give your honest opinion with the intention of helping her in any way you can. This means that you should tell it like it is when you are talking to her about the affair. Let her know that she is not only putting herself at risk of getting hurt, but she is also putting the man, his wife and his children at risk of getting hurt. Let her know frankly that being romantically involved with a married man is only going to end in tears and the longer she keeps this up, the more hurt she will feel later on. You need to tell it like it is because it is your job to do so – not because you want to cause her pain or make her feel scared but it’s simply to show her what she may not be able to see for herself.

Aside from giving your friend the reality check, try your best to not entertain or make a big deal about her affair when you see her. This means that all you have to say to her is that she is doing something that is clearly wrong and that she will get her hurt. That’s all. Aside from that, it helps if you do not ask her anything about the affair or show that you are disinterested in the subject. Because what this will do is show her that you will not condone or pay any attention to that part of her world because it is simply something you are against. The more you give her attention, ask lots of questions, be mad or constantly tell her to not do it, the more she will be tempted to keep doing it. People always want to do things they are not allowed to do. The more you tell her “don’t” the more appealing the affair will be. So, simply say these two things, “You are in the wrong” and “You will get hurt”, anything else should not be of your concern.

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